the ending is all that matters...

Regrets. We all have them. I know I have written so many times about regrets. I have always always always said that I will live with no regrets. Do what I do, trust that the things that happen are meant to be and life is what it is.

The problem with this theory on living life with no regrets is...there is a sort of lackluster existance to it all. Almost a "ho-hum" day-to-day life living that seems, to some, almost safe.

I know what you are thinking. Living with "no regrets" is safe?! What??? But just hear me out.

Perhaps those that live with no regrets never truly reflect enough upon their lives. Perhaps, they simply chalk up everything that happens as a mere "plan" and almost lose the responsibility to really choose to do the brave thing...To try. To actually do something they know they will regret later.

I know this sounds crazy, but coming from someone who used to say she had "no regrets" to having loads of them, I think I have found the catch-22.

In order to learn from life, we have to have regrets. I'm dealing with quite a heavy regret right now. This one is so severe, that I truly wish I had never even experienced it. EVER. Like, I would give my left hand to go back and erase it. To never experience it...any of it.

But then I think about it, and I am discovering that if we really were able to go back...to actually utilize our hindsight and change what we did or didn't do, we wouldn't have what we do. Life wouldn't be the same, and then we would have a whole new set of regrets. The cycle is virtually endless, and the outcomes are anyone's guess. So if we just stick with the "original" regrets, continue to choose to live, with the possibility of several regrets, we may have a fighting chance at a passionate existance.

Even still, there are some things I don't want to learn from. Why do we have to learn from life, anyway? I mean is there going to be some big test at the end of the road of life that we better have studied for?

Either way, regrets are always getting in my way. It's as if I am a bit of a slave to them...embarking on things I know I am just going to regret later...my regret/life/hindsight cycle has virtually been the same for over a year now, and I still cannot seem to pull myself out.

I'll tell you though, in any case, whatever the answer, we keep doing it; we proceed onward, throwing all caution to the wind, living in our regretful ways, I think, we do it hoping that one day, one regret we embark on will turn out to not be one after all...starting a new cycle of life.