My eternally frayed rope

I have been battling, quite unsuccessfully as of late, the subject of loss. In my traditional exploratory manner, I am trying to really identify with the feelings that follow when something is invaribly lost in our lives.

Let's take a set of keys for starters. When we lose our keys, the first emotion that sets in is panic. We search. And search, search and search. Looking high and low, we expect to find our object of desire right around the corner, under the nearest cushion or the last place we left them. Once finding said object becomes more difficult and seems increasingly impossible, a bevy of a emotions can follow. Anger could set in or varying levels of sadness. Regret finds its way in there as well. Perhaps also disappointment in oneself, or blatent disbelief. Whatever feelings come, it doesn't change the subject matter. Something, big or small, has been forever lost. Beyond this point, we must choose to take action. Depending on the degree of loss, we may have to find a replacement. Or just cut the loss and try and start over. Or even get a better version of the lost article. No matter the form, we have to move on. It's as simple and as complicated as that.

I can be completely rational and level-headed when applying this logic to a set of keys or a pair of sunglasses; but when trying to apply the "moving on" bit to a big loss; an epic void left in my life, I am finding it a bit more difficult.

Obviously, emotion can never be taken out of it or it wouldn't really be a loss. In my life lately, loss has sort of become a theme...an almost means to an end if you will. With Spring bringing new life everywhere, I am, in return, losing all my "old" (and current) life...and I am not taking it so well.

Much like losing my earrings or my Gina Leopard shoes, I'm approaching every one of my current losses: my heart, my confidence, my dog, opportunity, etc. with the same beginning process: I panic.
Putting out fires all over town, I have begun the process of each of these "losses" with the reactionary mindset of a panicked, desperate Crazy. It may not be as literal as "looking" for the loss, but it is denial in its rawest form; a trial of convincing myself that whatever "loss" in question can be saved. You can imagine how successful I am being at this. Obviously, I am finding that denial really is only a river in Egypt, and it leads nowhere.

I guess my saving grace is that at least all of the losses I am experiencing are at different stages in my whole "loss process." It's the only way to cushion the inevitable blow that will come upon the true realization of each loss. Some are further along than others, one, in particular, can and will never be replaced, and this fact in itself is a majorly disheartening one.

The more abstract losses I am experiencing are, for the most part, not really new, but perhaps are on a different level. I am slightly confused, however because once we lose something, such as ourselves, how can we continue to lose them over and over again? Is there something that I don't know?

It seems, as humans, loss is a vicious cycle. And here's the reason. With those salvagable losses, the ones that we can replace with a shinier model or a better version, we continue to do so. It's like lose and replace. Lose and replace. We replace so frequently at times, we can't even remember what we lost in the first place.

Perhaps I am getting too philosophical for my own good, but I am trying to understand why loss, in my life, has decided to travel in packs. And with most of them, I don't even want to get to the "moving on" part, because then it would validate the whole losing process. Why is it that we are so reluctant to let go of things that aren't even there anymore? And furthermore, how is it even possible that the LOSS, the void of something can cause so much pain?

I just wish I could cut my losses, and for once the cut would be clean; with no frayed edges. Anyone know where I can get a really sharp knife?