7- year switch

So...first of all, it is a beautiful day. Randomly, I have been trying to think of what this blog is really going to be about. I mean, I am beginning to think it is a bit narcissistic to continue contributing to the world in a fashion that only involves me...so anyway, I have a few ideas, more to come....

It's my birthday.
For those that know me...this is probably the hardest time in my life. I am the eternal contemplater. It began about 7 years ago. If you were to find my old blog, I can't even find it... you would've read that turning 20 for me, was a coming of age of sorts.
It was a laundry list of regrets. Even reading it now..I can connect with that young girl who was really lost and scared for life to begin...But all I did was regret not doing something. And so the pattern began. Each year, gearing up for the worst, I would collect all my "non-accomplishments" in a box, and then on my birthday, unleash them onto the world...friends included. Sparing no one, I would go into a horrible spiral, citing everything from non-achieved written novels, to not losing weight, to not falling in love, to moving for who knows what...you name it, I drug it out. In effect, I sort of, in a dramatic manner (big surprise), brought up all of the things I didn't achieve in life and display them (quite dramatically, especially when there was alcohol involved) for all the world to see, brutally exposing my insecurities on a silver platter.

I think from 20 on, I vowed never to have regrets. Practicing what we preach, as we all know, is a bit more difficult than it sounds. But I did almost everything my heart desired, from that point on. I left the red light of life.
I went to Greece. I studied what I wanted. I quit my job (more than once) I moved. And moved again. And again. And again. And again. But somehow, when that calendar hit September 2, my "non-regretful life" had a seemingly long list of wrong-doings, and I would suffocatingly punish myself for them.

Well, we've all heard of the 7-year itch....Mine is the 7-year switch.
For the first time in a long time, I am going to make the conscious decision to choose me... my regrets and all...to celebrate on my birthday....

I think I have finally learned my life; and my birthday...the very core of this normal fall kick-start date, is a celebration of me. Of my life. My accomplishments. My overall fabulousness.
So I fuck up. Who doesn't?! So I am not the exact person I want to be?? Are we really ever?! (another subject entirely...) It's time to really look at what I have done...not what I haven't or have yet to do.

I am celebrating my birthday in my dream city this year. And what's more, I am a resident here. I have arrived. Can you believe it?!?! MY DREAM CITY!! My humility is going to be put on hold momentarily...I am fucking AMAZING!

After 7 years of torture, I am finally going to stop regretting my regrets. I am going to celebrate my accomplishments...and eventually, my regrets as well. Every step we take, good or not, makes us who we are.

I am going to blow out my candles, and realize that another year celebrating me, with everything it will bring, is actually a tiny miracle.

My advice to you anti-candle blowers...first off, age is just a number. And remember this is your day...your celebration. Your LIFE! It is meant to be reflected upon and truly appreciated...we deserve it!

Also, when else can you eat an entire cupcake sans guilt?!
make a wish!!!!