I finally got my apple.

I am re-reading my (outdated) myspace blog and I think I am going to transfer some of them...however I just love the one I am posting below...without even realizing it...I did it. Sometimes, I have the ability to even amaze myself. Life is so fucking cool.

01/07/2009
It's amazing what a song can do. I know it has been awhile since I have written, but I felt inspired tonight. As a closet writer, I secretly wait for moments that move me to the point of writing. Whether it comes from a song, a profound quote, a look from a loved one, or even an earth-shattering thought...the inspiration within can move me to words.

Tonight, my muse is in the form of an artist named, ever so appropriately, Hope. The song is called Leave Me in New York. As many of you know, I have been in a hopeless, mainly one-sided, long distance relationship with the city of New York for several years. I am blindly in love with it. Unabashedly, I have no qualms with expressing my emotions about it. The way I feel there; what I can do when I am there, how; without even knowing me, it can take me in, and accept me for who I am. No questions asked. Not only is my passion acceptable, it's what makes the relationship tick. With a love like that, who wouldn't be head over heels?

As I am (much too rapidly) tumbling through 26, I find myself at a revolutionary crossroads of sorts. I find it so easy...so effortless to feel so free to love something as crazy, ugly, beautiful, scary, safe, amazing, dull, dirty, gorgeous, breathtaking, tough, dangerous and perfect as New York...yet in real life, I can't seem to allow myself to find that kind of love. I am so willing to allow something like New York to chew me up and spit me back out...and am terrified about falling in love with an actual person. What gives?

Hope sings about New York, with grace and pristine beauty, simply stating she will never give up on New York; no matter what happens to her; whatever she weathers; she can get through it. Her love will see her through the good and bad...completely accepting her fate to always be in this love/hate relationship, no matter how it ends.

How can we translate? Why is it easier to love something that can very well hurt us more than a human soul? Why are we so willing to give up everything for something, but turn around and give up nothing for something else? I think the lesson is that we should approach our individual lives with the same vicarious disregard. Surrender yourself to the possibility of love; much like the city will, let it swallow you up, do what it wants, and know that however you end up, you're a better person for it. Is that the lesson of the city?

I don't know the answers. I've never even lived in New York and I can feel that way. Why? Why am I so open to something I don't even know is a good thing?

Love. It's a mind boggling thing....

See you in the big apple.

Oh, and don't take too big of a bite, because the majority belongs to me.